IN: Dan Snyder and the Redskins "not being major players on the free agent market" and cutting 60% of their roster and hiring only Schottenheimers

OUT:.Dan Snyder and the Redskins attempting to surpass the national debt in "marquee" free agent signings.

IN: Marty Schottenheimer’s low-risk, high-percentage West Coast Offense.

OUT: Norv Turner’s all-out aerial assault.

IN: Lavar Arrington’s ineptitude and lack of strong play at middle linebacker.

OUT: Lavar Arrington’s ineptitude and lack of strong play at strongside linebacker.

IN: Redskins only carrying one wide receiver on the roster.

OUT: Redskins actually carrying the league-mandated three wide receivers.

IN: Redskins re-signing the shaggy but dependable Brett Conway

OUT: Redskins wasting 12 roster spots on 12 useless and incompetent kickers

IN: Albert Belle’s degenerative hip problems forcing him into retirement.

OUT: Albert Belle’s degenerative defensive play and poor batting forcing him into really bad moods.

IN: Orioles’ 2001 youth movement…. and losing.

OUT: Orioles’ late-90s all-century team… and losing.

IN: Peter Angelos destroying anything optimistic or encouraging that might occur in Baltimore.

OUT: Peter Angelos….. no wait, he always has done this.

IN: Orioles’ enjoying a highly successful Grapefruit League season.

OUT: Orioles’ enjoy-….. no wait, no one really pays attention to Spring Training anyway.

IN: Courtney Alexander slashing to the hoop

OUT: Courtney Alexander slashing foes with a box-cutter

IN: Christian Laettner…..’nuff said

IN: Overpriced, under-producing, soft big man Christian Laettner

OUT: Overpriced, under-producing, soft big man Juwan Howard

IN: Leonard Hamilton hoping to finish last with the Wizards in order to get the #1 draft pick

OUT: Leonard Hamilton hoping to finish first with Miami in the Big East in order to land the #1 recruit

IN: Michael Jordan showing up at a whopping three games this season

OUT: Michael Jordan showing up at a whopping two games last season

IN: Rod Strickland, free agent

OUT: Washington Wizards, drug cartel

IN: Mason boys’ basketball

OUT: Mason girls’ basketball (except for BP, of course)

IN: The two-headed backfield monster that is Rashaan Salaam and Roosevelt Potts

OUT: The three-headed backfield monster that is Stephen Davis, Skip Hicks and Adrian Murrell 

IN: Redskins’ revolutionary new two-tackle offensive line of Chris Samuels and Jon Jansen…. and no one else

OUT: Redskins actually having a balanced number of centers, tackles and guards

IN: Jesse Ventura battling Rusty Tillman on XFL sidelines

OUT: Jesse Ventura battling Hubert Humphrey, Jr. in the gubernatorial election

IN: I HATE HE TOO

OUT: HE HATE ME

IN: Dana Stubblefield whaling on his wife in Cincinnati

OUT: Dana Stubblefield whaling on his wife in D.C.

IN: Deion Sanders failing to hit baseballs

OUT: Deion Sanders failing to hit wide recievers

IN: Deion Sanders failing to catch fly balls

OUT: Deion Sanders failing to catch punts

IN: Kurt Gouviea and Leomont Evans missing tackles in the XFL

OUT: Kurt Gouviea and Leomont Evans missing tackles for the Redskins

IN: The Redskins not resigning All-Pro QB Brad Johnson and instead opting to pursue Gus Frerotte and Trent Dilfer (whose name, according to Tony Kornheiser, actually spells Heath Shuler backwards)

OUT: The Redskins coddling a premier player of Johnson’s caliber after cutting losers like Frerotte. 

IN: Ray Rhodes, escaping the Schottenheimer holocaust

OUT: Mike Nolan, getting his a** fired (did we mention the vanilla read-and-react scheme?)

IN: Loy Vaught, college stud

OUT: Obinna Ekezie, college stud

IN: Tyrone Nesby getting thrown off the bench

OUT: Tyrone Nesby having to play for the Clippers

IN: Jason Williams, the best Duke point guard ever

OUT: Bobby Hurley, a decent horse trainer

IN: Heath Shuler, high-powered Knoxville realtor

OUT: Gus Frerotte’s attempt to return to "the wall"

IN: The calm, poised leadership of Schottenheimer

OUT: The fiery, passionate leadership of Terry Robiskie

IN: Chris "Mad Dog" Madison, renaissance man

OUT: Old school legends such as Jim Spiridopoulos, Al Kreuger and George Thoms