‘The Bratwurst’
The
Best and Worst
Holiday Movies …Ever!
By Derek Blodgett
and Alex Prewitt
So
what is “The Bratwurst,” you ask? Coined
by senior Derek Blodgett, this new year-long series will
be compilations of the Best and Wurst of many things, and voila, you have “The Bratwurst.” So here is our first edition, the best and
worst holiday movies as only Lasso Online can bring them
to you.
THE WORST
5.
Eight Crazy Nights (2002)
Does this movie even have a point? One scene
consists of Adam Sandler’s animated character rolling a short,
fat, high-voiced referee down a hill in a Port-a-Potty. It’s
too bad the script for this movie didn’t go down with him. "A
holiday film for the whole family," wrote the Chicago Reader's J.R. Jones, "provided
the whole family is obsessed with human waste." However,
it does provide a few laughs for those ill-humored grouches
during the holiday season.
4.
Surviving Christmas (2004)
Ben Affleck stars. Enough
said.
3.
Christmas With the Kranks (2004)
When
a movie is about people wanting to ditch the festivities
that come with Christmas and go on
a holiday cruise, it’s not a good movie. The plot centers
around Tim Allen and his wife as they scramble to get their
Christmas decorations set up as their daughter returns unexpectedly
for the holidays. It’s not Christmas. It’s the anti-Christmas.
Ditch this movie like Tim Allen ditches Christmas and go
see an Allen movie worth watching, like the “Santa Clause” series.
2.
Jingle All the Way (1996)
“I’ll be back.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger should probably just
stick to action movies, or running for public office.
1.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1962)
Have you ever heard of this movie? There’s
a reason why you haven’t. Here’s a sample of one of the jokes
from the movie. “What's soft and round and you put it on
a stick and you toast it in a fire, and it's green?” The
answer? I almost feel awful telling you. The zinger, and
what is quite possibly the highlight of this movie, only because
the rest cowers in comparison to the joke, is “a Martian-mallow.”
THE BEST
5.
Bad Santa (2003)
 |
You can’t stop laughing even though this was one of
the crudest Christmas movies of all time. |
4. Home Alone I and II (1990 & 1992)
These two movies
were instant holiday classics. Macaulay
Culkin captured many hearts while fending for himself when
his family accidentally leaves him on his own.
3. The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
This movie shows
the wonderful difference between Halloween and Christmas
as Jack Skellington leaves his home in Halloweentown and
ventures out into Christmastown. This musical is a great
fantasy adventure of a dark world brightened by the spirit
of Christmas.
2.
A Christmas Story (1983)
I think every boy in America has
asked for a Red Ryder BB rifle for Christmas at least once
in his life. This
movie is one of the better classics to watch on Christmas
Eve with your family. But watch yourself; you’ll shoot your
eye out from laughing so much.
1.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)
Simply the best Christmas story ever told. Generation after generation has enjoyed watching
this Dr. Seuss classic over the holidays.
