Dear Readers,
We here at Lasso Online always thought that Mr.
Snee was a good principal. Even in our darkest hours of despair,
when it seemed as if our pleas to the administration for the restoration
of the 2:00 vending machine time would go unanswered, we did not
waver in our support for the head of our school. We thought that
the only reason the vending machines were reset to 3:00 was because
of some sort of bureaucratic oversight--it was surely not our benevolent principal’s
doing.
So when we were told that the vending machines were
going to turn on at 2:00 starting this past Wednesday, we were beyond
ecstatic. Mr. Snee had pulled through, as we always believed he would.
We crowded around the machines at 2:01. Utter silence consumed our
group of journalists as a single dollar was fed through the slot,
a soda selected. The thud made by the can was a beautiful sound,
indeed.
Students of George Mason, thus
is the power of Lasso Online. We put a couple of annoying complaints
up on our commentary
page and our wish is fulfilled in a fairly timely manner. Don’t you
wish you had that kind of influence? (Well you can. We’re always
looking for writers. Okay, advertisement for Lasso Online concluded.)
There have, inevitably, been a
couple of changes here at the Lasso Online headquarters. Our journalism
shrine, which
used to feature a portrait of Ted Koppel, has been dismantled to
make way for a shrine to Mr. Snee. The centerpiece of said shrine
will be centered around a life size marble statue of our venerable
principal looking benevolent and wise, which is really how he looks
most of the time, except for when he’s telling you to take your earphones
off in the hallway. And in front of the statue will be an eternal
flame in his honor, perpetually running on the leftover grease from
the potato chips we get from the school vending machines. We are
also currently debating a motion that, if passed, will specify that
Lasso Online will no longer refer to Mr. Snee as “Principal Snee,” but
rather as “His Exalted Excellency Snee. who will always be remembered
for his pivotal role in the Great Snack Food Restoration of 06.”
--Lasso Online Staff
