As we have all been told, reading is the greatest thing people can do. It makes you more intelligent, gives you perspective, inspires you to do great things, etc, etc. But I have come to a startling realization, which I may have come to many years before, but until now have been unable to properly express it. That realization is that reading for school does not help me in life.

That's right. I said it. In fact, I'll say it again. Reading for school does not help me in life. While the newspapers cover what the news channels can't or won't, they are available to us outside of school, where we are not required to write a multiple-page paper on what they mean to us, or why the newspaper is a metaphor for blah blah blah. Reading the books required for IBH English is as much fun as being hit with a sledgehammer by a crystal meth addict. This is not necessarily the fault of the teacher, who is supposed to give the class difficult works (in fact, I only got into the class because I whined like a small animal caught in a bear trap, but that's not the point here), but when I talk with my classmates about the novels (because we have nothing better to do), all I hear are the chants of, "This book doesn't make any sense." or "This is the most boring book ever written."

Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky is one of the worst offenders. As of 12/21/04, I have never heard a positive review from anyone who I have spoken to about the novel. After furiously attempting to read it, I was forced to give up and admit that the novel is useless to the human race. If I wanted to become a famous Russian author, it seems that all I would have to do is get extremely intoxicated, fall asleep on my keyboard, and roll around for awhile. There, I have just become a great Russian novelist. Bow down before my complex metaphors and winded explanations. Did I gain anything from reading this book? Not a chance. I did poorly on most of the work related to it and it helped solidify my hatred for the written word.

Now, there may be a perfectly decent explanation for all of this. It could be that the book was too long and a shorter novel of his would have been better. It also could be that my lack of intelligence hurt my ability to understand the novel properly. But it doesn't matter anymore. Every book I have read for every English class that I can remember has caused nothing but boredom and poor grades on tests. This has caused me to become bitter and angry at the written word, which is not likely to change soon. If I had dyslexia, I could use that as an excuse for hating books, but since I do not, I can just chalk it up to ignorance with a few facts thrown in to help prove my point. Thomas Jefferson once said, "I cannot live without books." While Mr. Jefferson and I agree on many things, one of my personal sayings is, "Books are the root of all boredom."

Does this make me a bad person? Possibly, but I like to see it in different terms that make me look better. Since I don't really watch TV, bookworms can't use that old idea on me. And while almost all of TV is made specifically for the purpose of killing your brain cells, I believe that books can be just as mind numbing. You're staring at something and occasionally using your fingers. Wow. You just have to love how people claim books are so different from TV, when the reality is that both of them are almost on the same level of stupidity.

While I wish reading books could assist me in my day-to-day activities, the reality is that novels increase my boredom and take away from social skills, hence the stereotype of bookworms being isolated in their book-filled houses and possibly having a ton of cats. Maybe my opinion of books might change, but I doubt books will become less boring as I age. And as an old stubborn man, the odds of changing my opinion are rare.